Wellbeing
Parenting is hard. Parenting with ADHD? That can feel impossible some days. Whether it’s forgotten school commitments, the emotional meltdowns (yours and theirs), or the overwhelming pressure to be “on it” all the time, it’s a lot. If you’ve ever wondered why parenting seems to take more out of you than everyone else, this is the blog for you.
In our latest episode of Parenting SOS, Dr. Mine Conkbayir joins Giovanna Fletcher to explore what it means to parent while living with ADHD.
ADHD (Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder) is a neurological condition that affects the brain’s executive functioning. Whether you’re diagnosed, suspecting, or supporting a loved one with ADHD, our episode is an honest and reassuring look at what it means to navigate parenthood with a neurodivergent brain.
As Dr. Mine explains: “Nothing is wrong with you and nothing is wrong with your brain. But it is different.”
Living with ADHD as a parent
ADHD can influence attention, memory, organisation, and emotional regulation – all areas that are heavily involved in day-to-day parenting. A unique challenge of ADHD is Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria, which is a heightened emotional response to perceived criticism or rejection. Feelings of mum guilt and self-criticism are already part of the parenting experience, but this sensitivity can be significantly heightened for those with ADHD, making the emotional load feel even heavier.
It’s important to recognise your differences and behaviours, to help reduce feelings of guilt or failure and instead lead to more compassionate self-understanding. Dr Mine encourages age-appropriate conversations with children about the ways your ADHD shows up for you, and how you can better manage as a family. Once you’ve begun having open conversations with children and family members, introducing simple, practical strategies can help create a more supportive day-to-day at home.
Dr. Mine shares how small adaptations have made a difference in her household – including support from her daughter: “She writes me post-its to remind me. She sends me text messages. We problem-solve together.”
She recommends using the STAR method (Stop, Think, Act, Recover) as a way to manage emotionally intense or overwhelming moments, as well as daily affirmations to help ground and reset.
Should I get a diagnosis?
For parents considering an assessment later in life, Dr. Mine offers clear encouragement: “Yes, it is worth it.”
She shares how receiving a diagnosis allowed her to better understand her needs and advocate for the appropriate support. “It’s not you being inept. You are markedly different, and you need certain things put in place in order to thrive.”
How hormones affect ADHD
Hormones play a much bigger role in ADHD than many people realise. From puberty to pregnancy, postpartum to perimenopause and menopause, the hormonal fluctuations that occur throughout a woman’s life can have a huge impact on how ADHD behaviours appear and are managed.
“Estrogen is inextricably linked to dopamine,” explains Dr. Mine. “So when estrogen drops after birth, it immediately affects mood, behaviour, and executive functioning.”
These changes can leave many mothers feeling disoriented, emotionally overwhelmed, or unable to access the strategies that may have previously worked for them. It’s key to understanding that these shifts are biological, they’re not a failure on your part. As Dr. Mine reassures “We’re not going mad. We’re not insane. We’re not destined for depression. Please understand, it is so expected and normal… Your brain is going through a massive flux.”
What if your partner has ADHD and you don’t?
ADHD can impact not just the individual but the relationship between co-parents. Dr. Mine acknowledges how it can feel like the non-ADHD partner is carrying the mental load, and how draining this can feel.
Having tactful, sensitive and honest conversations is key to better manage your respective roles within the parenting partnership. She shares “Grab a notepad and talk about how you can help each other.” Open, respectful dialogue can help shift blame and build more supportive routines.
You don’t have to be perfect
The biggest takeaway from Dr. Mine’s conversation is a powerful reminder to let go of perfection.
“Take a moment to celebrate your strengths. I think there’s all this pressure. We’ve got to be perfect at everything. We’ve got to excel and multitask and spin all these plates. You can’t as an ADHD, which is so taxing. But just being honest about your struggles, take a moment to celebrate your strengths as that partner who’s supporting the ADHD, but also what the ADHD a mum or dad is adept at doing.”
And when the mental load feels like too much? Quoting psychiatrist Donald Winnicott, Mine reinforces: “Just be a good enough parent. Good enough is enough.”
To hear more from Dr. Mine Conkbayir, listen to the full episode of Happy Mum Happy Baby: Parenting SOS on all major platforms or watch it on YouTube.
