“As an amputee I wondered how hard it would be to carry a child for 9 months, without relying on too many people for help. What I realised is that, yes it’s hard, but the people around you, most of all your partner, are there to support you 100%. Whether it was carrying me out of the shower and into bed or holding frozen peas against my swollen stump every morning upon waking, my husband was my number one cheerleader. Whatever struggles we faced we knew it would all be worth it to see the face of our little girl that day in May.

As well as my physical struggles we also faced a difficult time when some problems with our little girl were highlighted on the 20 week scan, and we faced the remainder of the pregnancy in fear. To hear the words “There’s something that’s not quite right here” is a truly heartbreaking moment for anyone during a pregnancy, something I wish no one to have to hear. I suddenly put myself in my mum’s shoes, giving birth to her daughter with a difference, in her case, limb deformation leading to an amputation at the age of 1.

On May 21st 2020, in the middle of the pandemic, I gave birth to my beautiful little girl, Alba. Within 5 minutes of holding her she was taken from me, not to be properly held again until a month later. It was without a doubt the hardest month of our lives. The first time visiting the unit I was so worried I wouldn’t even know which baby she was, the incubators lines up against the wall seemed so impersonal. Despite the many tears shed and the sleepless nights we counted ourselves as lucky. The stories from the other parents in the hospital, their children in intensive care, haunted me. Life is so unfair at times, and there’s no end to a parent’s hurt for their child.

After what seemed like a million medical interventions later and a hole in her stomach for her to wee out of, we picked Alba up from the hospital on the 19th June. That indescribable feeling of holding your baby and feeling that love came rushing in as though she had just been born a few moments before.

My physical challenges continue being an amputee mum, but anything is possible with the right person by your side.“ – @legfullyblonde

 

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