Parenting after loss is damn hard if you already have a child.
How you supposed to “carry on” when you have just lost your child?
How you supposed to grieve and parent at the same time?
How you not supposed to have mum guilt?
It’s easy to say but hard to navigate!
I guess if it wasn’t for my 3 year old daughter I wouldn’t have been able to “carry on”
After giving birth to our second daughter on 28th September 2021 I came home the next day and carried on.
The initial conversation of “mummy where is your tummy gone” and “mummy where is the baby” was the first hurdle of parenting.
How do you have those conversations without breaking down?
In my mind I had to be strong and find ways to talk about this with my daughter and try not to breakdown.
I didn’t want her to see mummy sad.
We never used the word “death” as we felt as parents it was too in depth. But my 3 year old daughter navigated her way to symbolise her sister going to the sky as the “brightest star in the sky” with her grandad.
This helped us to “move forward” and find an understanding.
Parenting with mum guilt after a loss is the hardest thing I have EVER had to do.
I was broken and had and will always have the BIGGEST mum guilt. Of why didn’t I save our daughter?
How do I deal with my grief and give my time to my daughter?
I had to go and do the nursery run, go for birthday parties, attend family functions.
My daughter gave me strength and showed me a part of life I didn’t know was there.
A year on and we have open discussions about our little star. My daughter in corporates her in every day life. She brings her alive.
I show my emotions and ensure her that grieving is fine and it is a process of emotions that change everyday.
Parenting after loss for me also resurfaced again when giving birth to my rainbow baby.
A year on and I’m celebrating my beautiful baby girls 1st birthday with my 4 year old and holding a newborn baby.
Giving myself time to heal, grieve and parent through celebration of life and loss has been a daily challenge.
But the strength of all three of my daughters has empowered me to be the mother I am.
We are mothers.
We are strong
We are powerful
We are bloody AMAZING!
For anyone who has experienced the loss of a baby, whether through miscarriage, stillbirth, neonatal death, or termination for medical reasons. Tommy’s offer support here.